The pain of death can do you apart, tear you to shreds, make you cry and feel you were the one who died instead.But this death, has made me cross all that, cross all boundaries of love and friendship, till a point that its almost unbelievable..

.Yesterday night Ish had called to say he was just switching flights to head to Masettechusettes....And today morning at around 11 'o' clock IST, I get a sms from Akshat saying, " Shru. Ish met with an accident. Serious. Please call immediately.... " Class is going on, and I cant hear a word she was saying. I just excused myself from the class, went down and called Akshat...

All he could tell me was, " Shru. Ish reached Masettechusettes. With his mom and dad.. And on their way to home, their Rolls Royce met with an accident. A 2 metric tonne container truck rammed into it and thats that. "Much to my pleas of further news, he remained adamant and kept the phone down....

The rest of chemistry class passed by in a blur. Something was telling me that this was not good...Once it was over, I came down and called Ish's brother Rajesh at MIT.... His fiance' picked up the phone and said he wasnt there.

I asked her about what happened, no reply... I pestered and finally she says, " Ish, and his parents died on the spot. They couldnt even locate the body"I felt an emotional pain much worse than anything else that has happened to me so far, but the tears wouldnt fall. They refused to...

The pain of death, sometimes its so powerful, that you instead wish the most torturous physical pain be inflicted on you, anything but this. I kept asking myself, why this was happening. Udit was one, and now Ish.

What the hell is wrong with me?Maybe people who become close to me are destined to die earlier. Maybe Iam just cursed in a way no one else is.I didnt want to accept it.

I kept telling myself, that I would go home and call Ish and he would still be there to talk.But no it didnt happen. I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. Life is cruel, its unfair. Destinies are meant to remain unchanged, but why Ish of all the people?

I feel like my hearts just been torn to pieces, the sorrow of losing someone whom you loved as much as you loved yourself and even more. I couldnt stand, I didnt want to go home. I wish a giant hole opened up and swallowed me.I wished that I could go to sleep and never wake up again to face this nightmare that was reality.

Where am I without him? I have no answers if someone asks me what Iam doing, why Iam doing this? Absolutely nothing at all..

.Swetha told me that maybe, Ish just wanted to go and protect Udit, being the chotu he was. And still the tears refuse to fall.Sometimes, when someone dies, the tears you shed do not become more painful than when you accept the death, and your still smiling.

Iam smiling....

All they found out of the wreck was Ish's metal detector watch, a burnt hand to accompany that, Ish's cell phone with the message "Shru, reached Massettechusettes safely, will call you when I get home" on the draft folder addressed to one unlucky wretch called Shruthi, Ish's dad's bracelet and his mom's mangalsutraWhat the hell have I done to deserve this,

Tears from a lonely heart,
Captured, strangled and wrenched apart,
Back and forth to the throes of hell,
The ringing sounds of the death bell...

Swe told me, maybe Ish is still there, above you, looking at you, looking afer you. Watching you cry and shedding silent tears himself. Next time you pray, just look up at the heavens and maybe you will see him smile down on youI wish it were that simple. Ish, I want you back..... No one deserves to die this way. He cant leave me alone and go.One minute he is here and the next minute he isnt.

Comtemplar suicidio se parece como una broma. La muerte ha tomado su peaje en mí. E Iam no listo tomarlo más

A visibly shattered soul ~

And this is for you Ish, for all I know, you might still be there, high above me, calling me names for crying over you. But I do know that, there is no one else, who is going to understand me as well as you, no one to call me Besan, and no one to freak out about my life. No one at all.... I will never forget you till the last drop of life in me...

~ Sparkling angel, I believe
You are my saviour, in my time of need,
Blinded by faith, I couldnt hear
All the whispers, the warnings so clear
I see the angels,
I'll lead them to your door
There is no escape now, no mercy no more
No remorse cos I still remember
The smile when you tore me apart...~